The Secret Life of a Song

Last year, I was at an A.R Rahman concert in Atlanta. Every time he sang a 90s song, the crowd lost its mind. Most of the audience were millennials, and watching them sing along, I realized these aren't just songs. They are time machines. Each one carrying an entire childhood/past inside it.

When I was around 8, our family went on a road trip to visit the temples of Tamil Nadu. Packed into a Maruti-800 hatchback was my mom, aunt, uncle, grandma, two cousins, my sister, and me. My dad couldn't make it because of work. How we all fit into a small car is a question best left unanswered. The car had one cassette- the soundtrack of the Tamil movie Indian. Those songs played on a loop for the entire trip.

On that trip, the songs were quietly weaving themselves into my memory.

"Pachai Kiligal" in particular became inseparable from that journey. The song speaks about the joy of family, and there I was, hearing it on repeat, surrounded by mine. Now, every time that song plays, I'm instantly back in that car. The background score of the song also has this way of creating an imaginary lush green field, and for a moment I'm in all places at once - the car, green fields and the present.

Here's what I keep thinking about: when a composer creates a song, there is only one version. But over time, in the minds of thousands of listeners, countless other versions come into existence. Each fan carries their own private connection - a unique mix of emotion, memory, and meaning. What the song becomes, depends on so many things. The moment you first heard it. What you were living through at the time. Who was beside you. Were you happy or sad. A song that was heard during a happy chapter can turn bittersweet if the people in that memory are no longer around. The melody stays the same, but grief adds its own undertone. For Indian movie songs especially, there's another layer: the scene it was born in. Take Vellai Pookal for example - to an outsider, it might sound like a gentle, pretty number. But for those who've seen the film, that song carries the exhale of an entire war. The peace it represents isn't just heard, it is felt. 

Thus, music doesn't belong to just its creator. It becomes everyone’s. 

So the next time you hear a song for the first time - remember you’re starting to paint your own version on an empty canvas.

What are some such special songs for you?

2-minute recipe to better health

It's been a decade since I wrote my first blog on Yoga. Back then, I had just started moving. Where have I reached after all these years? Did I keep up? 

Before I begin, here is a reminder to my readers. I have never 'moved' in my youth. I wasn't born fit. I was barely athletic. I got special permission to skip PE class, on most days. (I can hear my classmates at school rolling their eyes.) A short walk would leave me panting, leave alone running. I was often sick and my protective parents believed that I was better off with no movements. 

But somewhere in my 20s that began to shift. I started 'moving' and found that it made me feel better, more healthier. My first real gym membership was when I was 9 months pregnant. (Hey the doctor taunted me for being overweight and those who know me know that I take dramatic steps). 

 

Fast forward to 2016 I joined a newly opened gym in the neighborhood. Most days, I'd spend about 15 minutes at the gym. Sometimes, it was just 10 minutes. The trainer used to be amused. He'd joke that I came to the gym to 'touch' the equipment on rotation and leave. Day after day, he'd smirk when I walked in. (It was in good spirit, he was a nice person) 

Years passed. I moved to the other side of the World. Now I use the gym at the apartment. It is different on this side of the world, but the routine is similar. And what remains the same is that now it's a neighbor who smirks when I'm done in 15 minutes. 

But you know what? 

I feel great in terms of health. 

I can run now, without gasping for air. 

I lift weights, day after day. I am stronger. 

No, I do not have six pack abs (never going to get there, as daily dessert is absolutely necessary for my survival), but I'm in better shape than ever before. 

If you've read Atomic Habits you will know of the two-minute rule. Any habit that you're trying to build can be scaled down to 2 minutes (Below is from James Clear's website) 

“Read before bed each night” becomes “Read one page.” 

“Do thirty minutes of yoga” becomes “Take out my yoga mat.” 

“Study for class” becomes “Open my notes.” 

“Fold the laundry” becomes “Fold one pair of socks.” 

“Run three miles” becomes “Tie my running shoes.” 

That's all it takes. Start small. Even when I did not feel great, or overslept- I always showed up, every single day. (Almost every day; Hey I am human, imperfections are part of the deal) 

Another concept from the book is 'habit stacking'. Workout is tied to my morning routine. I do not GET to decide on the timing. It is at the exact same time, in the same order, every single day. 

I do not have transformation pictures, and this is not yet another transformation journey. But I am writing this to say that all you need is 10 minutes. If I can get away with doing so little, so can you. 

Of course, there are days when I have more time/energy and I workout longer or walk farther. I am always looking for ways to move. I love walking on the greenway trail, getting lost among the bird sounds and quiet thoughts. I am often trying out new routines (having a fitness trainer spouse helps!) On other days, I keep it interesting by multi-tasking with podcasts or losing myself in an AR Rahman playlist. 

But remember the first 2 minutes lay the foundation. Real change does not need hours, it just needs showing up.

The Feeling called Home

I've spent more than a year in the US now. This is my first experience of living in a foreign country, barring a short honeymoon trip to Malaysia. Just penning down my thoughts here.

1. Was there a culture shock after moving? Mostly not. The Indian entertainment market is replete with Hollywood movies, English language sitcoms and of course the Youtube channels. So it was fine, having grown up watching them all the while.

2. Seeing tens of Indians everywhere felt like I was almost home. Also, there are a handful of Indian grocery stores and several restaurants nearby, so pretty much everything is available in terms of Indian food.

3. The biggest cultural difference was courtesy! Smiling, nodding, wishing 'good morning' to strangers everywhere. As a part-introvert, I found it a little exhausting in the beginning, but got used to it over time. When I mentioned this to my friend back home, she giggled "We do not even smile at people we know, leave alone strangers." When I visited India for a few weeks, my brain automatically switched off this "courtesy" and went back to being grumpy-faced at strangers. 😂

4. As a woman I've felt a little more safe, there is overall less "creepiness/staring/objectification". (Arguments against this will not be entertained 😎)

5. Everything is so damn expensive in the US, some of them about 1000% more than back home. Why? Someone please explain the economics of it to me. The curious fashion shopaholic in me died a slow death. 

6. Cleanliness and orderliness is of course significantly better in the US. When I went back to visit India after a year, the biggest difference I observed was the huge traffic congestion and lack of road courtesy. Miles apart! 

7. Having a house-help for everything back home is one luxury that I'd taken for granted. And it's not just house-help/maid for everyday chores. There are some skills that we never learnt back home- like drilling a nail into the wall, replacing a light bulb, or maybe changing a car tyre. Well, eventually you're forced to learn that or pay a larger price for it. (I haven't still learnt them, but I will 😬. Necessity is the mother of invention.)

8. The weather! For the first time, I witnessed the four seasons- Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. In Chennai there were majorly 3 seasons- hot, hotter and hottest. 😃 Well, 'hot' is my comfort zone, for obvious reasons. So the initial months in the cold weather was a bit of a struggle, not unbearable though.

They say that when you move away from your home country (or place), you wish to go back home. And then when you come back home, it's not the same. And then you're never completely at home anywhere. I suppose that's the story of every 'immigrant', migrating between cities, states or countries. (or planets some day 🚀).

As a third generation Malayalee in Chennai, I've never been able to truly identify myself as a Malayalee or Tamilian; I've always been stuck in the middle, a little bit of this and a little bit of that, culturally. And now there are more smaller segments of me showing up.

All that said, the experiences that come with travel are enriching and the lessons that we learn as we go, can be life-changing. 

And let's not forget that eventually "home is where the heart is".

Rock a Bye Baby

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night to pee, only to end up being wide wake? And then the real nightmare follows..

Brain: Can I offer a selection of your worst memories from the last 10 years? 👀

Remember that time when you said something awkward in a meeting? You did not spend sufficient time with your family today, they’re going to hate you! Oh my God, that mail I sent today was awful, my manager must definitely think I am a failure!

Why do we experience this? There is a scientific explanation for this. When we were cavemen, being in a group was always safer and there was a better chance at survival. When you’re alone at night, even though your spouse/partner/roommate is snoring right next to you, your brain still thinks you’re alone. So when you’re alone, you are not in a group, which means you’re on your own to survive. Your instincts to save yourself are heightened and your brain has to be on guard for any dangers(still like a caveman!), even though you’re perfectly snuggled up in a warm bed . So all the negative thoughts start emerging as potential dangers and it goes on and on!

So how do we get rid of this? While we do not have to stress ourselves about getting perfect sleep on all 365 days of the year, it is possible to sleep well on most nights without anxiety. The foundation to a good sleep starts from the time when you wake up. Here are some suggestions - scientifically proven ones, to help you get better sleep. 

1. Within half an hour of waking up, get 5-10 minutes of sunlight, particularly on your eyes(do not directly look at the sun, but let the sun rays reach your eyes)
2. Have a very consistent sleep schedule. Wake up and go to sleep at the same time on most days.
3. Stop drinking ALL caffeinated drinks by 3PM.
4. Stop food 3 hours before sleep, liquids 2 hours before sleep and screen 1 hour before sleep. 
5. If possible start dimming the lights, 1-2 hours before sleep. You need to let the body know that it is time to wind down.
6. If you’re waking up to pee in the middle of the night, do not switch on any lights. You will mostly be able to navigate in the dark if its a known room/bathroom. If you still need a light, use a torch that does not shine into your eyes.
7. Reduce social media scrolling, during the day and particularly towards bedtime.
8. If you’re taking a daytime nap, limit it to 30mins and before 3PM.
9. Make sure your bedroom is dark and at the perfect temperature. Invest in a good mattress, pillows and quilts/comforters as well.
10. On days that you did not get sufficient sleep or when you’re anxious and unable to sleep, try NSDR- Non Sleep Deep Rest. You can google it as NSDR or Yoga Nidra. Also try Binaural beats for Deep sleep.
11. Involve in physical activities during the day. Don’t be a couch potato! 

A good sleep has a huge impact on our physical and mental health, so do always prioritise it. Also remember that if you’re having long term sleep problems even after fixing most of the above, then do talk to your doctor/therapist.

Hope this helps! Have a good night's sleep! 😁

The Jack of Many Trades

Did you know that I had once won a prize for a dance competition from the famous Kollywood movie choreographer "Kala Master"? I did!! It was a fancy phone with those blackberry kind qwerty keypad. 

So do I dance well? Umm actually I dance like I have two right feet. Seriously! 

Well, here's what happened.. It was a competition at my corporate company and a renowned dance group had only one girl in it. For their concept for the Finale, they desperately needed another girl. Well, I just happened to walk by. 😂

So when they asked me if I could dance, I said why not! 😎 The next few days were of great struggle.. not as much to me as for them. The chief dancer was at wits end. 😥 It was a great challenge to make me dance. Anyway, I somehow pulled off a few steps and based on the overall performance, the team won the prize. So that's how, me, the one with two right feet actually got awarded a phone from Kala Master. Yay!

                                             (That "poor" dance group 😛 Year: 2011)

Those who know me well, know that I've got this strange condition where I cannot pass up an opportunity.  I've sold iced teas in supermarkets; I've done paid babysitting; I've sold skin care products; I have promoted brands at the malls; I have assisted in event management; I've done modelling; I've attended an interview to be a Tamil newsreader. (Yep!) I have interned at a shipping company. I have built (in vain) a startup on e-commerce; I have hosted events, some of them with an audience of over 2000 people. (Those of you who know me as an introvert must be quite shocked😆). I have won a few poetry competitions. I had designed several fashion clothes on MS Paint and Photoshop when I was a child! I have spoken on the radio and dialed to be heard on TV. 😝 I'm a nutritionist and have delivered lectures at colleges and events. I know some French, along with 4 other languages. I'm a Govt-awarded "city-school topper" in the final school exams.  I create public content on healthy eating on Instagram. I have also been an Insta "influencer" for a Swiss based nutrition brand. I've attended umpteen workshops on random topics, like really random topics!!  I'm basically the Jack of many trades! When I see an opportunity I go for it, without much thought on if it would help me in the long term, as long as I feel it right at the moment.

Most of my blogs end with a message. This time there's none. It is just self pondering. Is it okay to be a Jack of many trades? Is it okay to go on and on without a solid purpose? I think it is okay! It is okay to wander through life, finding interesting things until you die! 

So, what's your opinion? 😀 PS: Read this lovely quote below! 

Do you Remember?

 A few days ago, my daughter asked me the order of the nine (oops eight!) planets. I was able to tell it in a jiffy with no confusions in the order. How? Well, I should thank my very educated mother. 😜 When I was young, my mom taught me this- 'My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nine Planets". The first letter of each word is the first letter of the planets in order. Yeah back then, poor Pluto was still a planet and planetary science had not yet kicked it out from the elite planet status. Anyway, it made it so easy to remember.

Here's another one from memory. 11th grade Physics class. The lesson of the day was Ohm's Law. The teacher suggested a simple method to remember the equation. V=IR. IR (Iyer-a caste in India) are predominantly V (Vegetarians). Laws may come and go, but this is one law that I am taking to my grave. 😉

One more- I credit myself for this one. 😛😛 The blood group types that are universal donors and recipients. While I absolutely love the details behind how they are termed as donors or recipients, I had my shortcut to remember them for "quick access". DOnOr is always 'O'. 

Several years ago I was watching actor Aravinth Saamy's episode of Neengalum Vellalam Oru Kodi (Tamil version of Kaun Banega Crorepathi or Who wants to be a millionaire). He had demonstrated one such memory trick. When any list of words was presented to him, he could take a look and after a few minutes tell the word accurately when the number was called out. It was very kind of him to have shared the trick behind it, on the show. 

• Step 1, In his mind he associated each number with a picture, permanently. For example, #1 is bee. 
• Step 2: Whenever a word list was shared to him, he connected the word and the picture. For example if the list had #1.Laptop, he would imagine a bee sitting on the laptop. 
• Step 3: When he is asked the item on No.1, he effortlessly recollects and declares the word as laptop.

Isn't that so simple, yet awesome?

All my life I have used such mnemonics and shortcuts to remember things better. So, what are your secret shortcuts? 😁 Would love to hear!

Image: Schoolplus.com

Knocking every door

That’s a beautiful watch” she said. I looked up, interrupted from the retail-therapy of looking at skin care products at the H&G store. “Oh thank you!” I said with a smile. Well, it was no random exchange. She continued “I sell Amway products. They are very effective. Would you be interested to buy?” I was taken aback. Why would she come out of the blue and ask a stranger to buy products from her? I politely refused and moved on.

A few days later, I came across this project “100 days of rejection” by an entrepreneur named Jia Jiang. I watched his TED talk. Jiang who was turned down by investors realized that one of the main roadblocks in his path was the fear of rejection. To desensitize himself, he spent 100 days asking for simple, harmless things that are likely to be rejected. On Day 1, he asked a stranger for $100. Well, obviously he was turned down. On Day 2, he asked for a burger refill. However, there was progress. On Day 1, his heart was pounding hard and palms were sweating. When the stranger refused to give 100$, he ran! He was embarrassed and ashamed. On Day 2, when the waiter refused a refill, he spoke about how a refill would be just nice. It was less intimidating and he had a decent conversation with the waiter. I do not want to ruin the essence and humor of the TED talk by writing down everything here- you should watch it yourself. But ultimately, he ended up giving a lecture at Texas university on rejection. He ends the talk by saying that he fulfilled his life dream by just asking!

We all live in fear of rejection but once you desensitize, life becomes easier. Getting out of comfort zone and ASKING can be a daunting task. But in the long run, those who master this wonderful trait, are undeniably more successful.

As a part-introvert, I think twice even before asking that extra sauce. :P Well, I guess this project should be on my new year resolution.  Err.. Some other year!

The living bullet!

Last night, my daughter was playing with her gun, shooting off bullets everywhere. One bullet fell into the tiny gap between the wall and the bed. She wanted to retrieve it, but the bed was too heavy to move. It was pretty late and I was at wits-end, trying to put her to sleep. So I promised her that we would pick it the next day. She cried for 10 minutes straight.

ME: Seriously! Can you please stop?

SHE: How would you feel if you were a newborn abandoned in a dark room full of dust?

ME: Eh? What?

SHE: The bullet is new to this house. (its a new toy)

ME: So?

SHE: It would feel very lonely!

ME: Gawd! Do you even know the difference between living and non-living things?

SHE: Yes.

ME: So is the bullet living or non-living?

SHE: Living!

ME: I gotta talk to your teacher!

SHE: Germs are everywhere! Germs are living things. I am sure there are germs on the bullet too!

ME: Err..!

SHE: The germs were in the fancy toy shop before! They’re used to that.. Now they’re in the dark gap full of dust. They must be really sad.

ME: Hmm..

SHE: So remember.. Non-living things may appear to be non-living, but are actually not!

ME: Okay.. Never thought of that.. Thanks for letting me know!

Image: Dexter's Laboratory

Epistocracy?

Around the time of the great Indian election results announcement, I came across this news snippet on Knappily about epistocracy. I wanted to write about it then and bam it’s been months now! Well, better late than never.

By the way, speaking of Knappily, I highly recommend this app. It’s a no-nonsense knowledge app with the articles put up in a neat format. It not only includes current day affairs but several articles on historical news too. So yes, if you that interests you, go ahead and install it.

Now coming back to epistocracy.

Epistocracy is a system in which the votes of people who can prove their political knowledge count more than the votes of people who can’t. It is directly opposite to democracy because it argues that the right to participate in political decision-making depends on whether or not you know what you are doing. Having heard the term for the first time, I was fascinated. I have heard a lot of people ranting that folks at their home vote for a particular party because they have been doing so for generations. A lot of people are ill-informed. Well, people believe and forward the WhatsApp message that says the Indian national anthem has been chosen as the best in the world. :) Need I say more? 

Most voters act as “political fans” cheering a team and there is blatant ignorance on the real motives of the candidate/party. Then there is the religious/racial bias on the support, especially in our country. The real knowledge to make an informed decision is very limited to a small percentage of people.  Well, in fact, I wouldn’t even count myself as very politically informed!

Of course, on the downside implementing such a system is not practical and is very complex. There is the matter of defining how a person can be marked as politically educated. And most importantly this will widen the gap between the haves and the have-nots, giving more power to those privileged enough to fit the definition of “politically informed” while pushing poor voters even further to the margins.

What is your opinion on this?

Leader, not boss!

**This is a blog that I penned in my company's blog, when I was asked to write about someone I had admired at work.**

When Kartic initiated Legends of Cognizant series, among the people I have closely worked with, Shankar is the first person who came to my mind. Everything in this blog happened 4 yrs ago. But to date he’s the best lead I have ever worked with.

Shankar had been an acquaintance for a while before I was moved to his team and he became my project lead. For an Associate with only 5 years of experience, he was handling such a big team (around 25-30 under him I guess). That itself speaks volumes about him. I haven’t yet heard of anyone given such enormous responsibility at an early stage.

1. The freedom that he bestowed on his team was commendable (trust me! not everyone does that) Did his team complete a work by sitting on it for 8 hrs or 6 hrs and a 2 hr break? It didn’t matter to him, as long as the outcome was a quality deliverable. He wasn’t the “boss” who tied reigns and micromanaged.
2. He wasn’t afraid to speak his mind, irrespective of who the person was. He was never manipulative and dint beat around the bush. You ask him a question, you get a direct answer. I remember once, when I was leaving for the day (after 10 hrs. in office), an onsite lead called him up.

Onsite lead: “Why is she leaving already? Maybe she could do some of tomorrow’s deliverables in advance!” Shankar: Has she completed deliverables for the day?Onsite lead: Yes. Shankar: So she’s leaving. End of conversation! If you think about it, not every offshore lead does that.

3. He always helped his subordinates to grow. You want to innovate? He will help you work on your idea and bring it to life. You think a template can be done differently to capture metrics better? There’s never a “oh but the client/manager wants it to be done this way only.” He always gave a chance to do things better, even if it meant uncomfortable changes or raising a few eyebrows. He made sure his teammates hogged the limelight when the time came (that’s what a leader is for, right?) He always gave credit when it was due and also never pointed fingers when there were escalations.

4. He was extremely committed- even though he never forced his team to stay back, I’ve seen him sit into late nights working on his deliverables or helping his teams out. If required, I’ve seen him pitch in and work on Test Execution also, even though that’s not part of his job. Also he was a man who donned several hats. His contribution to team building activities and event management is noteworthy. He was also a trainer and evaluator in Cognizant academy.

5. He was compassionate. He empathized with his team. To him an associate was a human, than just a resource. He was more of a friend to his team and spoke to everyone on a personal level. Once, I had to stay back for an emergency deliverable till 2am. The last cab was at 12.30 am. He came all the way (my home is 35 kms away) and dropped me home safe.

6. He had a great sense of humor- OK, I know some people are going to disagree with me on this because you can hear him crack “mokka” jokes all the time But whatever, it lightens up the mood- you either laugh or do a face palm.

So to summarize, Shankar is dream-lead material  I’ve had a lot of learning from him on how to be a leader rather than a boss. He’s not with Cognizant anymore and unfortunately I haven’t heard from him in the last 4 years, but I am sure he’s doing very well in his current engagement.

Edit: After I wrote this post, Kartic was kind enough to find Shankar’s mail ID and now we’re in touch

The Stalker

2018 has been a year of weddings in my family. My sister got married. A close cousin got hitched too. The shopping, the preparations, the numerous functions were all so much fun.

Indian weddings mean that several new members are added to your extended family. You get to meet so many people. And then there is the stroke of serendipity of meeting long-lost friends/family who happen to be invited by the other side. It’s a small world! 

Now, after my sister’s wedding a few of the groom’s cousins/friends popped up on my Facebook friend’s suggestion list. It was strange, as there were no mutual friends. I hadn’t yet added my brother-in-law. Well what do you know! I thought Facebook had worked it out with a neat algorithm considering my sister and BIL were friends.

Then came my cousin’s wedding. After all the ceremonies were over, there was again an update in my Facebook friends suggestion list. This time it was even more strange. Complete random faces that I saw at the wedding. There was no mutual network.

So there was only one common factor that Facebook considered to conclude that the person could be an acquaintance. The location.! The said persons were at the same location- Sangeet, wedding, reception for an extended time. This helped Facebook establish that I knew them.

That is interesting..! And scary..! 

While at times it could be useful to keep in touch with people, imagine how our profile would pop up on random people’s pages just because we were at the same location multiple times. Violation of privacy! I know what you are thinking! Once our profile is out there, we should just forget our rights to privacy! Agreed.

But this sounds even more unsafe. So if this piece of info is bothering you, you can turn off Facebook’s access to your location. And ‘believe’ that our profile is safe to ‘an extent’.